Personal

growing through it

happy monday lovely souls 💞

i’ve always been that person who plans to start implementing good habits on monday, falls off the wagon by wednesday, and then gives up until the following week. it’s a bad habit, i know, but monday’s always felt like “starting fresh”. i’m finally realizing that everyday is the perfect day to put one foot in front of the other so, even though i’m going through a lot right now, i’m hoping to grow from it and become stronger than before.

i’ve dealt with a bunch of junk over the past few years if my life. but i’m finally able to look back and notice progress which is such a calming feeling. i’ve always overwhelmed myself with how much further i still have to go and how much junk i still need to pull through but holy guacamole it’s about damn time i gave myself credit for everything i’ve already done.

so first, some bragging about myself (because i deserve it).

i’m FOUR years clean from self harm. holy. moly. in high school i literally never thought i’d live to see the day i turned 18 but here i am at 22 learning and loving more and more everyday. i went back to school after my nightmare-ish experience in high school. i’m only a couple years away from two bachelors degrees and my teaching credentials – accomplishments i never thought i’d see to fruition. when i was 18 i decided to transition to a vegetarian diet, for my body, my mind, and for the other lovely creatures on this planet. that helped me (so heckin much) to love my body again after struggling with disordered eating all through high school. i opened an etsy shop! it’s small, and it’s definitely still a work in progress, but it gave me a healthy outlet – a place to create and let my soul flow freely. and, of course, i finally started putting all my messy thoughts on to paper like i always wanted and i’m so close to self publishing my very first poetry collection.

i’ve done so much. i’ve learned so much. i have grown so incredibly much. and i finally feel like i have a stable foundation on which to grow.

so i want to do more, i want to keep taking my steps, i’ve come too damn far to give up now. so today, on this fine monday, i’m starting over (again). and maybe i’ll fall of the wagon (again). but from here on out i won’t have to “start over” every monday. i’ll just keep growing and keep taking baby steps everyday.

some goals i want to work on (and i’ll hopefully be posting more here to keep myself accountable): i want to go vegan! i’ve been wanting to commit to a fully vegan lifestyle for YEARS now but i always fell back into my old routines. i think i’ve finally got enough stable footing and knowledge to do this in way that my body will be comfortable with and i’m so excited. i want to get back into doing yoga. i found yoga when i first started working towards recovery and it gave me such a sense of peace and confidence. i need that again. i want to be sober. so desperately. like i said, i’m four years clean from self harm, but i traded that unhealthy coping mechanism for drinking and smoking and i want to feel whole again. i’m cutting toxic energy out of my life, i’m setting boundaries for myself, hell i ever started going back to therapy to seek the help i know i need and wow i’m so proud of myself.

i’m just trying to remind myself that healing isn’t linear and that everyday can be full of small victories.

i’ll post here to stay accountable – feel free to follow and engage with me on this journey (i’d love the support).

love and light my darlings,

m.m.t.

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