hi￼ whats up in 23 and never learned how to properly articulate my emotions
i just feel fuckn bummed. like maybe it’s weather i guess but shit this is hitting HARD. i￼ don’t even know that i’m “sad” i’m just definitely not “happy” and this shit is getting out of hand
here’s a picture of belle to lighten the mood before i spiral
let’s see where do i even begin.
i’m cooped up in the house all day. the weather is miserable so i never go outside. i don’t have room to do proper yoga. i don’t have energy to to art. i don’t have the attention span to read. i’m a straight up MESS lately
and i feel dissatisfied in EVERY aspect of my life
i’m terrible person but i don’t even feel close to my lover,,,, not that i don’t absolutely LOVE them with my whole heart,,,,, i just feel so distant from everything and nothing feels okay
i smoke too much again. and i drink all the time again.
i wrote about 25k words for NaNoWriMo this year but then the story in my head triggered me and i spiraled. and now here i am??? but i’m not okay!!!!! and i feel like i’m shouting and flailing my arms and no one is listening!!!! no one can hear me and no one can help me!!!!! and i just have to figure this out myself but i don’t know HOW
i don’t even know where to start
i make lists for myself everyday but don’t have the energy for the follow thru.
i get sad by noon
and i sleep until about 2 in the afternoon
i feel,,,,,, a longing in my heart and soul
like i’m missing something but i cant quite put my finger on what it is
but there’s a hole… and i don’t know how to fill it
nothing satisfies it
maybe it’s me that i miss
but how do i get myself back. where did i even go? am i even gone? what the hell am i doing
i just keep second guessing myself and going off on tangents in my own mind
i need to rest now. do something different. phone a friend.
i’ll be back tomorrow…..