diary

1/8/2020

7:07pm

i’ve been in a slump

a real real bad slump

and i can’t seem to get myself out of it

i’ll have one really good day but then i’m worn the duck out and idk how to break that down

i did five minutes of yoga the other day and almost died bc wow i’m out of practice

and today i was sooooo tired i slept til the afternoon

but i didn’t make some cool stuff today for my shop so i guess that’s cool

but i’m feeling,,,, uninspired.

or unenergized,

or unmotivated

idk

but my body feels heavy and my brain feels wavy

idk

anyways i’m gonna go make dinner 🤙🏼🖤🥺

diary

1/6/2020

5:00pm

wow it’s only 5 and i’ve done so much today and i feel so great it’s awesome

i did like a BABY yoga session and almost died i am SO out of practice

but i’m about to make dinner and maybe i’ll write more later tonight but for now i have some things i wanna do before my william gets off work 🙂

diary, Uncategorized

1/4/2020

7:54pm

i crossed everything off my to do list today and i feel like i didn’t get anything done

i should go for a walk

i still need to write something new today but i’m not feeling well and i’m hoping my cold medicine kicks in soon

i might just go to sleep who knows

diary

1/3/2020

8:41pm

dinner is ready but my william won’t be gone for another hour

whoopsies lol

i made homemade chicken noodle soup and i think it’s gonna be so good! i’m stoked tbh

today was pretty good. i had wine with jon and it was real nice and then i had a lunch date with will and then took a nap 🙂

i got our budget organized and planner and calendar set up and i think this month is gonna be really great

my art supplies came in today too!!!! so now i get to start crafting again 🙂

now i’m just watching some tv and maybe do some journaling and duolingo

good night, goodnight

diary

wednesday december 18, 2019

11:30pm

hi whats up long time no speak

i got knocked out by a cold this winter and have been majorly derailed by it but i’m trying desperately to get back on track for the new year

i have a lot of things if like to work on in 2020 and i’m hoping to start a good note

i’ll be posting sometime later about my goal and resolutions but for now i’m just trying to get back in the habit of writing and just being consistent

i have a lot of work to do

diary

11/30/2019 — saturday

5:10pm

hi whats up in 23 and never learned how to properly articulate my emotions

i just feel fuckn bummed. like maybe it’s weather i guess but shit this is hitting HARD. i don’t even know that i’m “sad” i’m just definitely not “happy” and this shit is getting out of hand

here’s a picture of belle to lighten the mood before i spiral

anyways

let’s see where do i even begin.

i’m cooped up in the house all day. the weather is miserable so i never go outside. i don’t have room to do proper yoga. i don’t have energy to to art. i don’t have the attention span to read. i’m a straight up MESS lately

and i feel dissatisfied in EVERY aspect of my life

i’m terrible person but i don’t even feel close to my lover,,,, not that i don’t absolutely LOVE them with my whole heart,,,,, i just feel so distant from everything and nothing feels okay

i smoke too much again. and i drink all the time again.

i wrote about 25k words for NaNoWriMo this year but then the story in my head triggered me and i spiraled. and now here i am??? but i’m not okay!!!!! and i feel like i’m shouting and flailing my arms and no one is listening!!!! no one can hear me and no one can help me!!!!! and i just have to figure this out myself but i don’t know HOW

i don’t even know where to start

i make lists for myself everyday but don’t have the energy for the follow thru.

i get sad by noon

and i sleep until about 2 in the afternoon

idk mate

i feel,,,,,, a longing in my heart and soul

like i’m missing something but i cant quite put my finger on what it is

but there’s a hole… and i don’t know how to fill it

nothing satisfies it

i’m stuck

maybe it’s me that i miss

but how do i get myself back. where did i even go? am i even gone? what the hell am i doing

i just keep second guessing myself and going off on tangents in my own mind

i need to rest now. do something different. phone a friend.

i’ll be back tomorrow…..

mmt

diary

11/26/19–tuesday

12:10am

anyways i have anxiety.

i did a tarot reading and talked with cool people and then had a flash and then woo boy my insides are a roller coaster right now

~

hi i’m back i meditate for like 7 minutes and i feel,,,, better now. not necessarily ~good~ but definitely better

i think today (after sleep) i will be learning am important lesson. one that i’ve been repeating for lifetimes. but i just don’t have the energy anymore

do better now

be better now

be my best self,,, now

she lay, so small. actually i guess really she sits. but anyways

my heart hurts.’

and i feel so heavy

and my solar plexus???? wooo geez

i think there’s something deeper i’m not seeing, a piece i’m not interpreting correctly

but i can think on that tomorrow when i’m sleep sleepy.

anyways

today was cool and this lil weekend and monday was pretty neat and i have so many ideas for new projects and wow i’m amazing tbh

i know i have food things on the horizon-/ and here with me now, as well!

but sometimes shedding baggage fucking hurts. letting those muscles relax aches a little…. a lot.

whatever tomorrow i’m doing a weigh in for my lil accountability thingy and i’m unpacking some old clothes! i’m actually not even nervous just excited to see what this winter brings and what my body is capable of!

i want to be cozy in this one specific sweater again and feeling that lever of comfortable and confident in something f is what i’m truly striving for

anyways i made a schedule

and also

i really try to stay prepared

anyways i’m gonna uhhhhh go sleep now

sleep well nerds 🖤🌸🌿