hi friends — so a lot has happened over last couple of weeks and i wanted to share that here with you (and also just give myself a space to vent lol)
so here we go:
(oh also. TRIGGER WARNING: mental health, abuse, rape, mental illness, disability, etc.)
my fiancé and i (and our furbaby belle) having been living with roommates for the past two years. they’re lovely and all; but i wasn’t in a situation where i felt safe, welcome, or home.
as my mental health declined it started getting worse. lack of sleep and lack of energy make for a very draining existence and feeling unsafe in my living space made that even more unbearable.
on new year’s eve we left. we packed a small duffel bag and belle and went to the only place we could think of — my parents.
they’ve always been supportive. we knew they’d let us crash land there.
but that house has always been toxic to me.
when i was 15, living in this house, i was in an abusive relationship: verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually. a lot of the abuse occurred in that house and it made it hard to be there — even back when i was 17 i had to move out to my grandmas house to feel even a little bit safe.
so being there always weighs heavy on heart and quickly sends my mental health spiraling downwards.
i suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and ptsd. and yesterday i was packed and on my way to the health hospital to self admit.
it felt like… i was torn between hurting myself in that home (i’ve been clean from self harm for four years and eight months and almost broke it… but i didn’t!) or going to the hospital. THATS how i unsafe i feel in that house.
it hasn’t felt like a home in years.
i haven’t had a home in years.
and now i’m staying at a friends house; separated from my love and my baby and trying to take it one day at a time – trying to focus on my mental health.
but my fiancé and i are looking for a safe space of our own — a real home.
and so here’s where i need some help if you can bear with me.
i started a gofundme for $1000. it’s enough for first months rent and a deposit on the place and that’s all we need. we’re scraping together all our spare change and recyclables and selling old clothes. we’re just not there yet. we don’t expect to hit the goal; i think with me being on disability and my fiancé working and going to school we should make it through; but every little bit helps.
i’m also offering services for anyone who donates or tips!
first: i have a giveaway going on through twitter! everyone who sends me proof of donation (no matter the amount) i’ll enter you in a giveaway with two winners who will receive some handmade art!
second: everyone who sends me proof of donation (no matter the amount) i’ll do a tarot spread for you! every donation is eligible a one card tarot draw!
third: larger donations ($15 and up) can message me and have some custom art made for them or pick up a piece free from my etsy shop! i make dream catchers, wood-burned boxes/wall art, fluid paintings, small embroidery hoops, tie dyes of all kinds, and anything else we could come up with together!
so let me know how i can pay you back for sharing — evening if it’s just by sharing this post to your twitter or facebook. i hope you know i appreciate it. with every bit of my soul.
this means the world to me. i just want a safe place to land for once.
(the link to the gofundme)
honestly, i’ll probably be posting about this a lot (not the crowd funding but the housing issues) and if any sort of instability like that triggers you please feel free to unfollow, mute, skip, or whatever else you need to do to stay safe and comfortable.
much love everyone,