Personal

sunday mornings

i notice the smell of coffee before i even open my eyes.

the light is pouring in through the slats of the blinds and i hear you humming in the kitchen.

i roll out of bed and walk up behind you.

i wrap my arms around your waist and press my face into the small of your bare back.

you feel like home.

you chuckle and whisper “good morning” as you spin around to hand me a warm mug.

there’s lowfi music playing gently from our speakers as i cross the room to the sofa.

as i set my cup down you spin me back around.

“i’m too sleepy” i grumble almost incoherently

“dance with me” you pull me in a soft embrace and lead me in a dance. it’s more of a gentle sway in our tiny kitchen area but it feels magickal nonetheless.

i share with you the experiences i had in my dreams the night before as you grumpily glare at the clues to your crossword.

we start breakfast together, and almost burn the biscuits, but my homemade gravy really pulls it all together; at least that’s what you tell me.

it’s in these little moments,

wrapped up in a million tiny touches and stares,

that i get so lost in the idea of us.

you and me and our tiny home and our tiny family

this has become my happiest place

— sunday mornings

artists, book club, cozy blogging, creative writing, Personal, soft and powerful

healing through art

hi theydies and gentlethems i hope your week is going well! today i’d like to talk about something near and dear to my heart — healing through art 🌱🖤

so as some of you may know i just published issue one of my new zine The Home Brew! it aims to be a collective, a creative cauldron of ideas, for those living in the shadows.

the whole point of The Home Brew is to give us all a place to heal through our creative soul work! and i want to chat a little bit about that today.

art therapy is the first thing that ever clicked for me. learning to express myself through these new and creative ways gave me room to really examine my feelings and what i was going through. it gave me a place to cope and heal in a healthy, productive way.

it was messy.

i think it always will be because in general i’m just a messy person

but it was fun and it was healing and it was cathartic and it was restorative.

when i first moved into my grandmas house back when i was 19 the walls of my room were bare and empty.

i felt hallow there.

and i first i was tentative to put something that i made on my walls because i didn’t think it would be ~aesthetically pleasing~ but damn. decorating my space with my art was the best move i ever made

personal paintings and mixed media collages and just so many different types of creative expression! it gave me room to FEEL!

and that’s what i so desperately needed at the time. room to feel and process in a healthy, not-so-destructive, way.

and that’s what i hope The Home Brew can be now.

a place for indie artists to plant their first thoughts and rough drafts.

the first notes of a song. a sketch done in the corner of napkin.

a little place to feel out our emotions and share them with others.

a safe space for creatives of all kinds

artists, book club, cozy blogging, creative writing, diary, Personal, poetry, soft and powerful, tarot, vlog

the home brew – submissions OPEN

what is UP theydies and gentlethems? i hope you’re all having a lovely week.

usually today i’d do a ~cozy post~ but i’m interrupting our usual programming for an announcement from The Home Brew

SUBMISSIONS FOR ISSUE ONE CLOSE ON SEPTEMBER 22.

(submissions are ABSOLUTELY still welcome but they will be pushed back to the second issue!)

i have received some of the most beautiful pieces of art i have ever seen, i absolutely love this. i am so excited to be able to create a community of rad human artists and creatives and give us a space to GROW as artists and as people! thank you for sharing your soul work with me!

“a monthly literary and art publication coming soon to a browser near you (and maybe even as a physical zine!)

The Home Brew is here to be creative cauldron of ideas. a place where the voices of those in the shadows can come together and meld into something magical.

i’m hoping to discuss topics such as:

spirituality

mental health awareness

LGBTQ+ lifestyle

cozy witchcraft

modern poetry

mixed media/digital art

photography

and whatever else we can come up with together”

all mediums are welcome! the submissions info is as follows:

• email me: freelovingwitch@gmail.com

in the email – use the subject SUBMISSION – and include the following:

• who are you? (name, pronouns, passions, whatever you’d like everyone to know about you)

• what are you submitting? (is it a song? a poetry collection? a website? an entire soundcloud account/album? let me know) describe it!

• what’s your creative process like?

• what would you like to say about what you’re submitting

• links to promote you (blog, twitter handle, insta name, etc)

• something that makes you YOU! what is your passions what is your purpose what pushes you to create!

attach any links or files you’d like to be reviewed and anything else you’d like me to know.

let’s cultivate a space for art together 🌻

mmt

creative writing, Personal, soft and powerful

poetry as meditation

welcome, theydies and gentlethems, to another beautiful beginning of another beautiful week

today i wanted to write a little bit about mindful poetry and how this can work as mediation. so let’s dive right in:


we begin with our breathing.

3 sets of deep breaths

inhale (pause, think)

exhale all the negative thoughts and energy

rinse, repeat. rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.

now form an image in your mind’s eye. and hold on to it as if if you can feel yourself being enveloped by it.

today we will imagine ourself as a stone at the bottom of a riverbed.

we start by describing ourselves and our surroundings.

i am cool and confident. i am steady and unmoving. i am a strong force in nature that refuses to be buried or burdened by the outer world.

the stone does not move and neither do we.

now, as we sit here, thoughts and emotions and images may rise and fall into and from our mind.

let them.

do not follow them, do not lead them, do not let them bury inside your mind’s eyes for you are the stone and you do not get carried away by the waves.

and that’s what we do.

we are the stone. we let our thoughts and feelings wash over us, maybe even shape us, but we do not get swept up in them. we do not let them carry us away. for we are steady, strong, and unmoving.

honor your feelings but do not become burdened by them.

note them; acknowledge them. say hi and honor them and where they’ve come from but do not get swept up; we are our own personal endeavor.

now, when you have settled in this rhythm, of breathing and noting and flowing, we will hold still. we will focus on one central image of peace of calmness and hold the feeling it brings up in our chest.

keep that feeling of peace and let it carry you throughout the day.

whenever you find yourself getting swept up into the current remember the stone and hold steady.

you are your own port in the storm.


“you are your own port in the storm,

your own central peace,

your own calming strength.

remind yourself of your steady growth

and flow freely into the unknown”

mmt

creative writing, Personal

a memoir i should’ve never written

fifteen years old and locked away

hidden away from the rest of the world

tormented and traumatized

helpless and hopeless

loosing it

a dizzying labyrinth

lost in an endless maze

wandering with no end in sight

until wandering becomes futile

and we collapse to the ground

hopeless and helpless

lost in the dark

jump

to eight years later

and the door to the mind peaks open

a sliver of light in the abyss

a voice echos in

“are you still there”

“are you still here”

“are you still… alive”

but no voice calls back

that hopeless, helpless feeling washes back in

only ten times stronger now

we let her down

but we set forth

trying to the navigate the labyrinth she got lost in

trying to trace her footsteps and heal her ghost that haunts the shadows

but there’s still a corner where the light won’t shine

a corner too dark that even the brightest glimmer of hope can’t sneak through it

and that’s where she was

lost, dazed, dizzy, and confused

but hope was here; help was here

the twenty three year old held the fifteen year old version of herself

and wept

sobbed

mourned

and grieved

she had been lost for so long

they had already buried the empty casket and moved on

but we found her

we found her at last

and she’s hurt

scarred and scared

but she’s healing

healing herself

from the inside and out

with the strength of the light inside her and the heart of child

she’s not whole

not yet

but we’re healing

and in healing we’ll continue to grow

and eventually

bloom

mmt

Personal, soft and powerful

the importance of seeing the sun rise

welcome to the latest freelovingwitch energy healing session! today, theydies and gentlethems, we will be discussing sunrises!

now i know right off the bat there’s a few people thinking “what do sunrises have to do with energy healing?”

well my answer to that is A LOT!

there’s a reason i always start my day with at least one round of sun salutations ☀️🧘🏻‍♀️

in tarot, The Sun symbolizes a moment in time where it truly “doesn’t get better than this!” it’s a reminder to let the sun shine into your life and into your heart. it’s one of the more simplistic cards but the meaning is always positive. and as such, the sun itself is a vibrant (and literal) reminder of the beauty of life on mother earth.

the sun is a powerful force. an energetic force. a healing force.

while a lot of us joke that the ocean and the moon are cosmic girlfriends – we sometimes forget how powerful and beautiful the sun is, too!

so why sunrises?

it’s the perfect time, literally and figuratively, to greet the day. do some yoga. go for a walk. eat a healthy breakfast. make a list of intentions or a to-do list for the day. do SOMETHING in the morning to center yourself and start your day in a balanced state of mind.

and honestly, who wouldn’t want to watch the sun come up? i love when the sky changes colors, do you?

have a blessed week theydies and gentlethems 🌱🖤

mmt

creative writing, Personal

“labyrinth” excerpt

welcome back theydies and gentlethems, today i wanted to share with you an excerpt from my next collection which i have code-named “labyrinth”.

if you remover from this post its story of surviving trauma and learning to heal through the recovery process all told through dream sequences, journal entries, and a smidge of exposition.

so here we go:

Trigger Warning

i jolt up, woken up by my own screaming. tears stream down my face as i hyperventilate

inhale count to four

exhale count to six

wait it’s eight

inhale exhale inhale exhale

i can’t catch my breath and i’m panicking now. the room is spinning and my mind is out of control. i’m losing it. i shut my eyes tight until the fireworks light up behind my eyelids – trying to focus on anything other than my spinning thoughts

but then i feel pressure at the foot of my bed. i hear the softest meow and a soft head bumps against my crossed legs.

she’s sitting in my lap now. this strange little creature who seems to sense when i need her. i calm my breaths as i feel her purr against me. it’s okay, i tell her, everythings okay. mommas okay. we’re safe. i’m safe.

i keep repeating it until i finally fall back to sleep with her purring on my chest.

its all about the love of my life.

leave me some feedback, if you feel so inclined. and leave me links to your work so we share!

xx

mmt

creative writing, Personal, poetry

new project updates and first looks

so, as you may recall, we talked about the DREAMER series already — as much as i could at least.

well, theydies and gentlethems, my brain won’t shut the fuck up so now i have two other pieces in the works. one is tentatively titled “Just Between Us” and the second doesn’t have a name yet but we’re code naming it “Labyrinth” and honestly i’m stoked for both.

i want to publish Labyrinth before JBU but they both have a long way to go still. i’m hoping labyrinth will have a rough draft finished by the end of summer and published by the end of the year and then i’m hoping to have JBU finished by the beginning of 2020 and published sometime later in the year.

so, uh, yea. that’s what i have been and will continue to be working on!

but i wanted to share a little snippet/description of each so here ya go:

•••

Labyrinth:

• a story of trauma and healing told through dreams and journal entries. an in depth look at how PTSD can haunt someone and their nightmares and waking moments. — (trigger wanting)

“i hear your voice raging from outside my door and and the sound of my heart pounding in my chest. it’s like all the oxygen has left the room and my lungs are collapsing. you pound at the door again, threatening to invade. i close my eyes. i try to scream but no words come out. i try to run but there’s nowhere to go. i’m hiding inside myself now. trapped. but, by who? you or my own damn self. i hear your voice, filled with anger, shouting obscenities in my direction.

everything goes silent. i catch my breath.

but then the door handle turns and all of sudden there you are. invading my house. invading my room. invading…

i jolt up, eyes open, drenched in a cold sweat.

inhale count to four

exhale count to eight

inhale count to four

exhale count to eight

i start to hyperventilate. i’ll never figure out these damn breathing exercises. my wrists ache like they’re desperate for release of the demons inside them.

i try to reason with the monsters inside my head but they follow no path of logic. just the knowledge that hurting myself is easier than letting you hurt me, still, after all this time.

i look at my clock: three in the morning.

nightmares right on schedule. i stare at my ceiling fan and try to follow its path with my eyes, counting its rotations. too exhausted to do anything productive but too petrified to fall back asleep. i grab my journal out from under my bed:

*

march 28, 2014 — 3:16am

i’m tired… literally and figuratively. i’m drowning in so many emotions and i’m tired of trying to come up for air. the nightmares haven’t stopped. it’s been almost three goddamn years and the nightmares still won’t stop. what am i doing wrong?…”

i know. a bit heavy. but it’s been weighing my mind down and it’s time to release it. release me.

•••

Just Between Us:

• the story of a rollercoaster of a decade long relationship. trials and tribulations, heartache and trust, hope and betrayal. a story about trauma bonding and the effects it has on abusive relationships, abusers, and those being abused. all told through letters to an old friend. — Trigger Warning

“dear friend,

i don’t even know if you’ll remember me

we parted ways so long ago

but you said

to always rethink of you

and write to you if anything exciting happened

well nothing exciting ever happens here

but i’ve fallen

into the

bad place

again and i’m trying to get out

i thought

maybe

you could help me get out

help me

e s c a p e

the

bad place

by letting me write to you

you don’t have to reply if my letters,

my stories,

get too heavy

i know you have a life of your own

but i’m stuck

and this is the only way i can figure to

get out


dear friend,

i’ve fallen off the wagon again

i don’t even know what that terms means to me anymore

it used to mean cutting

slicing my wrists so the physical pain outweighed the emotional toll

but now it’s

smoking

and drinking

and over eating

so i guess

my fall off the wagon wasn’t a major one

but a minor setback

dear friend

here we are again

i’m not really quite sure who i am anymore

i feel lost

and broken

and empty

and confused

i hurt

all over

and i’m not sure where to start

or how to even begin

to pick up the pieces

and try again

i want to go home”

i’ll never say i miss you, but i miss what we had. let’s get personal.

•••

so there you have it theydies and gentlethems! some new projects headed your way soon!

as always, let me know what you think in the comments! which series are you most excited for? do you have any questions about them? what does you WIP list look like? let’s chat!

mmt

artists, Personal

CALLING ALL ARTISTS: we’re starting a collective! #WritingCommunity #ArtShare

welcome back – or hello there – theydies and gentlethems! we’re doing a spotlight promo today because i really loved sharing Luna’s story and i want more of YOUR art to share together! let me hype up your work and add you and your links to the bookshelf or gallery!

so here’s how it works:

you send me an email — check out the submissions tab — and hit me up with ALL your links and some snippets of your work. i do a full length post about you and add your name and links to the collective tabs! it’s kind of awesome. really, the goal is to create an amazing community where we can all share each other’s passion and work and talent and we can celebrate our creativity together!

THE MEDIUM DOES NOT MATTER

i will host ALL FORMS OF ART.

personal writing, prose, poetry, short stories, guest blog posts, mixed media art, collage, music, painting, embroidery, the possibilities are so exciting to me!

SUBMISSION ENTRIES ARE FREE

eventually i’m hoping to be able to HOST AND PROMOTE/PUBLISH all of our work and help indie creators get the starting tools they need. i don’t know what this collective will turn into in the future but for now it’s open and accessible to all.

SHARE YOUR STORY

i’m so excited to see what you all create!

— mmt

creative writing, Personal

mindful mental illness

stop

think

breathe

we are okay

you are okay

i am okay

o

k

a

y

we’re here

we’re loved

we’re love

we are love

inhale

fill yourself up

up to the brim

close your eyes when your comfortable

and search inward

exhale

release

relax

push all of the toxicity out your system

feel the gentle release as all your energy falls into place

pace yourself now

breathing exercises

lungs expanding

mind constricting

stop

think

breathe

whirlpool

whirlwind

racing thoughts

and

lack of concentration

falling apart

eyes squeezed shut

spinning

spinning

spinning

stop

think

breathe

inhale

you know the routine

exhale

you know the routine

inhale

you know the routine

exhale

you know the routine

rinse repeat

rinse repeat

stop

think

breath

stop. think. breathe. stop.think.breathe. stopthinkbreathe

STOP

focus on your SELF

who am i

where am i

who said that

are we talking to ourselves

who’s we

who’s me

who am i

center now

centered now

hidden in three

counting by threes

breathing exercises

counting exercises

grounding exercises

rinse repeat

rinse repeat

stopthinkbreathe

STOP

equanimity

balance

harmony

knowledge

knowing that you’re not okay

and that that’s okay

knowing you want to be better

but still appreciating the you that you are

now

stop

think

breathe

inhale, count

exhale, count

you are safe inside your skin and bones

inhale, count

exhale, count

you are healing from within

inhale, count

exhale, count

you are strong and you safe and you valid

inhale, count

exhale, count

stop

think

breathe

mmt